TV Auditions are turning me off!
It’s always been an ambition of mine to appear on TV. Whether that’s for career purposes or ego I’m not entirely sure. It’s probably a bit of both. The truth is I want to be able to spread my message and help as many people as possible. Whether that’s either achieved through my philosophy or comedy. I’ve recently set myself 7 big goals I’m working to achieve. 2 of these goals reference TV.
As someone who is familiar with TV auditions, I know what’s involved with the TV process. It’s a long road. The audition process isn’t the problem, it’s the bias. This may sound like I’m being sour and bitter but there is a bias in television casting. Ultimately it’s up to the executive producers and casting staff to fulfil their vision. That’s fine and I respect their creative freedom, unfortunately, it’s at the expense of mine.
I do believe that there are certain stories and areas of representation that should be fulfilled on TV. Ultimately it is a public platform and they do have a duty to produce content for everybody. It’s the right thing to do. However, I feel there is a balance as certain programs are starting to suffer as a result. Being cast on the back of a story rather than your personality for a personality-driven reality show just doesn’t make any sense to me.
Earlier this year I was super excited about the prospect of auditioning for TV shows. The closer I’ve got to actually doing it, the reality has started to set in. I know what I’m letting myself in for. Obstacles will always test your level of interest in something and this case is no different. The prospect of even travelling to London for an audition seems a burden. Something doesn’t feel right. I don’t love these shows enough to put myself out there. That’s never a good starting place. The prospect isn’t making me happy and if anything it’s making me want to rebel and go my own way.
In one of my poems, I wrote the line ‘Forget about the TV for it is more of a social tool than a place for entertainment’. I didn’t listen to myself. When setting my big goals I decided that one of my priorities would be to appear on a TV show. Not just any TV show, it would be one that I liked. I’m starting to distance myself from this aim. I had the theory that I’d only start applying for TV roles once I had built up more of an online audience, so I had a bit of a following behind me. I’d never totally rule out auditioning for a show, but I’d have to have a very good reason to do so.
However, I’m not going to remove it from my list of 7 big goals. Not just yet. I still think it will be fulfilled somewhere down the line. Although I’ve thought if I have an audience online, why will I need to audition for TV shows? They won’t give me what I’m truly looking for. I’ll already have it. I’ll be on the way to sustainability. There’s far more freedom on YouTube. A television show makes you fulfil their vision, not your own. That’s why I loved Big Brother as it was personality driven. You just had to be yourself and it would result in great TV, you didn’t have to fulfil a role.
Sadly, even Big Brother fell into ‘safe’ casting. I secretly auditioned for the last ever series of Big Brother (2018). I figured it was worth a shot since it was the last series. There had been rumours about the show returning back to its routes and featuring more regular people without crazy stories or connections. I took my shot. I didn’t know whether I’d make the final cut, but as an ex Rehearsal Housemate, I knew I’d at least get an audition and most likely make it to the final stage of the process. None of what I just said ever happened. I didn’t even get an audition.
I brushed this off and assumed they’d be back to their old tricks in regards to casting super-connected people. I was wrong. The series aired with ‘normal’ people. I was lost for words. My criticism doesn’t stem from jealousy, it stems from logic and sense. I just cannot understand it. I’m not the most entertaining or funniest person in the world, but I know for sure that I should have at least got an audition for a program I’ve had years of involvement with. It utterly blew my mind.
The only viable way to win is to go around the establishment. The Internet is the modern day stage. This is where you can truly build something for yourself. The barriers are down. There is no loyalty out here. I’ll be rejected for TV shows one day, but when I build a significant YouTube following and produce multiple successful series, they’ll be giving me a call. This excites me. It’ll be under my terms. It will be them coming to me, rather than the other way round.
This lifts a great weight from my mind. It’s something I felt I had to do, but somehow it just didn’t feel right. I’m starting to dig deeper into myself and find the true reasons behind my feelings of unease. You get a weird sense of peace when you say ‘no’ to something that you feel you should do. The sense of peace comes from your reasons behind the ‘no’. It’s not quitting. It’s being in tune with yourself and your happiness. This isn’t because I don’t believe in myself. It’s not an excuse. It’s not just pure cynicism. It’s something that conflicts with my core values as a person. When you start to fight against your own core values you’ll ultimately lose. If my hearts not in something, I’ll never win. This path feels right to me.
I’m building something new here. This is a content and personal revolution. This is the alternative way. This is for the underdogs, the underappreciated, the overlooked. This is going to be your beacon and burning light showing you how to win outside of the mainstream. You win when you stay true to yourself. I don’t need to rely on people to give me my worth. My worth comes from within. I’m taking back control. I’m building something for the future. Hold on tight.