Starting isn’t easy
This is expanding on my latest video (link at the bottom of the page). Enjoy!
After what seemed to be years of planning, I was finally in the correct head-space to start pursuing my dreams. It had been a long time coming, with many disappointments and slight mental meltdowns along the way (with only some them being about my hair!). I had to drag my mind out of a dark place filled with worry and stress. I rescued myself from the darkness and moved towards the light, beyond any problems, surpassing planning and entering the glorious mode of ‘doing’.
The night before my start date (10th March 2019) I watched a healthy helping of motivational videos and strategic morning routine videos. I was getting myself pumped and braced for my journey. This didn’t involve injecting steroids and adopting the ‘heads down’ position. No, this was a mental game. One I was determined to win. I reconnected with some of the first motivational videos I had ever watched when I first started the journey to becoming ‘enlightened’.
So what have I become enlightened about? Well, it clearly isn’t fashion or taste in decor. The light I’ve seen is that greatness does exist. This isn’t anything to do with religion, the bright light I’ve seen is probably just my computer monitor. White backgrounds really burn your eyes at night. At least it’s a good knowledge inducing burn.
What I do know is that there’s something greater out there for each and every one of us. I’ve come to realise that special things can and do happen. I’ve seen dreams come true. I truly believe that whatever dream you have, it’s possible. Here’s a little poetic ‘verse’ I wrote which I think nicely summarises my feelings before embarking on this strange and ambitious journey:
“I’ve seen what true love looks like, happiness and that dreams do come true. All that’s now left is to embrace and to experience” — Zach Ascot (me)
I was awoken in the middle of the night. Not by a noise, but my myself. A judder. I could tell it was super early just by just how dark it was. I’d woken up from a nightmare. I very rarely remember my dreams, but the ones I do are always very vivid. This one was pretty horrific. I was up high witnessing lines of people getting gunned down in a very gory fashion. It was a battleground. I think my brain woke itself up to get out of the situation. This was not pleasant viewing. Although, at least I didn’t get shot!
I remember lying there and thinking about one of the videos I had watched before going to bed. It was a video sharing tips on how to construct a successful morning routine. They advised that when you wake up you must immediately try and remember what you were dreaming. I thought, ‘Oh yeah that’s a great start, I really want to remember this horrendous nightmare!’. I can’t imagine I’ll be carrying on with this tip. I rarely remember my dreams, and when I do they’re pretty unforgettable.
My alarm sounded, and this was it! Time to get up for day one and pursue my dreams! Exciting stuff. I followed my morning routine and I had planned everything I was going to accomplish that day. I knew I’d have my first video filmed and even possibly edited and uploaded to YouTube that night. I was now in do-mode.
However, things didn’t go exactly to plan. The first video I wanted to make for my ‘big’ comeback to YouTube was a sequence made from outside shots. Now there are two immediate problems with that. My only experience of making a successful sequence was probably back in maths class. Even then I’m not so sure. Going outside is a novel concept, let alone filming out there! I’m so introverted, please send help. I’m also a massive contradiction because generally, I’m extroverted. Please send MORE help.
The shots weren’t lining up as I had planned. Things were getting in the way. The great outdoors was not behaving in the way I wanted it to (how dare it!). Time was running out. My morning was full of errands so I had allocated most of the afternoon to filming. There was a cut-off point however, around 2:30 pm every other day I start my exercise routine. This exercise routine has been a long-standing commitment I have kept for many years without fail. I’ve kept to this routine whilst being unwell, staying at friends and even on holiday! Trying to exercise in a hotel bathroom is quite difficult, trust me!
Time was ticking and I still didn’t have all the footage I needed. Things weren’t going according to plan. This was a problem. I suddenly felt disheartened. I had spent so much time planning and in my head, I saw how the whole day should have played out. I felt a strange sense of defeat and wondered why I couldn’t even stick to my productivity plan on the first day. This was a concern for me. As usual, I was making a big deal about something that’s minor, but I believe this reaction is what set me up for learning a big and important lesson.
So off I went to exercise, feeling deflated and defeated. My exercise is painful and brutal enough without having to go out there in the wrong mindset. I’m lifting enough weight as it is let alone the addition of mental baggage! I’m literally going out there to fight every other day. I’ve got to bring my best in the home-gym without fail. There are no excuses, this is a rigid commitment to keep. If my body is capable of it, there are no excuses to underperform. Mental excuses are not enough. There is a standard to meet without fail.
During my shadow boxing, a little voice inside my head said to me ‘Fight harder’. I thought at first it was to do with my boxing. I thought ‘Sure, whatever inner voice that’s mean! I’m trying here!’. Then the voice said it again (I promise I’m not insane). I then realised to fight harder wasn’t just to do with my exercise. It was about my dreams and my mentality.
This was day one of a massive journey to making my dreams a reality. I need that mental toughness I have in exercise to be translated to this new pursuit. It’s a long road, so to get uptight on a journey that will take several years to complete, seems ridiculous. I was ashamed of my perceived failure but in reality, I should have been proud. Exercise has taught me many things in my life and it still teaches me things to this day. Important lessons that translate not just into the gym but also into my whole life. Lessons that aid in the pursuit of my dreams and happiness.
Starting something isn’t easy. Everybody says, ‘Just start!’ as if you literally can just start. This may be true to a certain extent, but I’d question the quality of your ‘start’. Starting is only easy until your mind is ready to make a true commitment to your dreams and goals. Until you free your mind and get it out of trouble, so it works for you rather than against you; starting in a sustainable way is almost impossible. Once I overcame my issues there was nothing standing in my way. This brings me to my main point, even when your mind is free and ready things aren’t going to be perfect. There will be days where things go wrong, but you have to carry on regardless. This is the translation and practical use of my exercise philosophy.
There will always be a reason why not to do something, but discipline says otherwise. Discipline doesn’t care about your feelings. When you make a true commitment, you stick with it whether it’s hard or easy. You can’t be held up by small details. If this is a true commitment to your goals and a new life, where you’re headed is far more important than small trivial problems. When you have no reasons holding you back from properly committing (when your mind is free) then there is no room for excuses. Discipline must rule. You have to get out of your own way and let yourself win.
